Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Quite the emotional summer

This summer was heartbreaking. A lot happened in our personal lives, and not much happened with the adoption, which is why I haven't updated the blog.

My mom, who had been very ill, passed away in July.  It still feels surreal to write those words. She lived with us and I was her caretaker for the last four and a half years. Her passing, even though she had been ill, still took us by surprise. Ryan, the kids and I have been grieving her loss and missing her presence in our home and our lives.  It has been very hard to get used to not seeing her and talking with her every day.  One of the things that grieved me most was that she will never get to know and love Shaina and Shaina will never get to know and love her. This breaks my heart.

Throughout the summer we heard nothing about the adoption.  If you read the last post you will see that we were originally told we should expect to get our official referral in June and we could plan our 2 week bonding trip at that time. Those 30 days came and went in silence. As is typical in the Haitian adoption world. I realized, as day 30 came and went, that this was going to be another one of those times when the timeframes given just don't come to fruition. You would think I would know better by now than to put any hope on a timeframe!!! And actually, after day 30 passed with no news, I did surrender and gave the wait up to God. Which I have done a lot over the past, almost 4 years.

I have found great peace in our wait this summer. I think that has to do not only with my mom's passing but also in knowing that God really does have a plan and that His timing is perfect. That has been shown to me over and over during this process.

So, as we wait for our official referral and notice that we can take our bonding trip, we have been planning out a few more fundraisers, receiving pictures and drawings from Shaina that other adoptive families have gotten for us when they visited their children at the creche, and dreamed of getting to see and hold her again.

Praying that day is soon!

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