Tuesday, October 18, 2011


This past weekend Ryan and I went to an all day workshop put on by our homestudy agency on attachment.
Attachment is a huge issue in adoption. I have read two books about it already, to try to prepare myself for when Shaina comes home.

This workshop really got me thinking. What if Shaina doesn't attach to us, specifically, to me? What if she completely rejects me and wants nothing to do with me? I know this will be a normal and expected, and even healthy, reaction at first, while she grieves her mother. But what if it stays that way? When I went to Haiti in May and spent time with Shaina, it was great! She was very loving and open with me. But that was only for 3 days and we were still in her home country with familiar people.  It will be a different story when she comes to a new country, new house, with new people all speaking a different language.

While I sit and wait for things to progress with our adoption, these are the types of things I am thinking about.  I know I shouldn't. I know I should think positively and that we will end up  having a wonderful family and a wonderfully loving relationship. But sometimes the negative thoughts are hard to push away!


  1. You are so wise to be thinking about these issues now. Not everyone does have a fairy tale adoption home coming, and I think that the more we are mentally prepared, emotionally prepared, and armed with knowledge - it can only provide a better outcome for all of you, right? This topic was my biggest fear in adopting again. So we have attended conferences, read books and watched DVD's on attachment and helping kids from hard places. We feel more prepared than ever and are so thankful for the resources out there! We have found the information from Dr. Purvis to be amazing and everything is backed by research ("The Connected Child" - if you haven't read that book, and the Empowered to Connect website). Try not to dwell on this with fear, but with the attitude that being prepared for a tough start will be the most loving thing for her and for you...:)

  2. I don't think that is negative of you at all. I think it's very smart to be thinking about these things. Most likely it won't be worst case scenario, but you should count on some attachment hurdles b/c they are perfectly normal and very real. Have you heard of Dr. Purvis and her Empowered To Connect books/videos/conferences? I attended a conference after we adopted and she has SO many wonderful tips on how to foster attachment. That is great that you and your husband are talking very openly about these things! It will make you all the more prepared and sets you up for attachment success! :)

    Whoops...just noticed the above commentor said something similar. Great minds think alike! No, more like smart adoptive moms listen to Dr. Purvis. ;)