Thursday, July 18, 2013

Starting Over

I never thought this would happen. I truly didn't. But here we are. Starting Over.

I don't want to go into every detail about what has happened since November. But let's just say it has been one heartbreak after another. One disappointment after another. We were sooo close to going to bring Shaina home when her visa got denied. It was devasting. But I don't want to dwell on the past because I really don't think it helps. So let's move on.

We had a choice recently. We could either choose to give up on our adoption all together. Or we could choose to keep pushing on, to keep working, praying, believing. To keep this little girl in our hearts until we can again hold her in our arms. We chose NOT to give up. We chose NOT to give in, even though the going got tough.

In the midst of our adoption drama, the laws in Haiti have changed (well, technically they haven't passed yet but their social services is still acting on the new laws). What does that mean to us? We can no longer do an independent adoption of Shaina. She can't stay with her bio mother until the adoption is completed and then come home to us. She has to be in an orphanage, or creche as it is called in Haiti. We couldn't officially start the process of adopting her over again until she was placed, by her bio mom, in the creche.

That happened yesterday.

Today I am freaking out. Today I am overwhelmed.  Today I am overjoyed.  Today I am scared.

It is not so much the daunting stretch of time ahead of us going through this process that frightens me. We have been going through this for over 2 years now, and although that seems like forever, it is doable.

The money, however, is a whole different story. We have been blessed with what we originally needed two years ago. That money now has all been spent and our circumstances are drastically different than they used to be. Due to my mom's health issues, I can no longer work. We don't have the extra income that we used to. I honestly do not know where the money is going to come from this time. And that thought keeps me up at night. I know it will come from somewhere. And I know Shaina will eventually be home for good.

But blind is hard for me. Jumping off is scary. Join us for the second half of this adoption journey and we'll muddle through together.

So, here we go!

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